SlopPhone — Think Less.

Designed by Engineers. Marketed by Visionaries. Assembled by Whoever’s Cheapest.

We didn’t just make a phone, we made a statement: you’ll buy anything in a matte finish, even if it's a steaming pile of shit. The SlopPhone 9 Innovates Data-Stealing and Scanning your face when you don't know it.

Infinite Display

Edge-to-edge screen so immersive you’ll Edge and forget what trees look like. Hell, you'll forget your mother's face.

SlopOS 14

Same Gestures, Same Apps, Same Background, same AI that makes these website layouts.

Camera Cluster™

Seventeen lenses for predators to capture even more pictures! Now with the shutter noises not only exclusive to Japan! How Kawaii sugoi!!!

Trade In Your Old Slop

We’ll pretend it’s worth something. Get up to $12 credit toward your new SlopPhone 9. Maybe. Nah that's way too high now that i think about it.