MCSLOPSON REFUSES TO ANSWER QUESTIONS, HIDES UNDER TABLE
Sources say he hissed like a raccoon when approached by reporters...
City Declares Emergency Over Strange Green Fog
Officials insist it is “probably fine,” though citizens report glowing...
Rats Announce Political Party
Their platform includes free cheese and ousting McSlopson...
SlopPhone Update Deletes All Contacts Except CEO's Mom
Users describe it as “emotionally aggressive,” company calls it “streamlining”...
Giant Apple Unveils Invisible Product Customers Must Pretend to See
Marketing calls it “the future.” Critics call it “a scam with extra steps.”...
Local Man Trapped in Times Square Maze
Authorities unsure how he got into the billboard tunnels...
SlopBank Declares New Fee: “Breathing Indoors”
Customers furious, bank shrugs...
Experts Warn Pigeons Now “Too Smart”
Several have begun wearing suits. No explanation given...
Mysterious Hum Heard Across Manhattan
Scientists blame infrastructure. Citizens blame McSlopson...
Giant Apple Unveils Invisible Product Customers Must Pretend to See
Marketing calls it “the future.” Critics call it “a scam with extra steps.”...
Say Hello To Tuberculosis 2
Random stop-and-medicalchecks have exposed a new type of Tuberculosis, Scientist have brightly named "Tuberculosis 2"...